Caution: Stereotypes ahead

By Sarah A. Klein
May 01, 2006

Just how far should an ambitious woman go to fit in with the men at work? Should she learn to play golf, bet on football and drink scotch?

The answer: It depends.

Elena Butkus, vice-president of finance at the Illinois Hospital Assn. in Naperville, has spent her career hashing out backroom deals in Springfield for hospitals, insurers and doctors. Ninety percent of the people she works with are men, and that alters her approach, she says.

"I'm much more aggressive and competitive among them," she says. "They don't look for reassurances," and she doesn't ask for them.

Many of her peers are involved in after-work activities. Ms. Butkus, 41, who was a competitive skier in college, doesn't hesitate to join in. She plays golf and goes fishing and shooting. She's also mastered the art of barroom banter.

"You are talking about nothing and having fun," she says. "Someone is talking about buying his first bow tie, or what the woman in the corner is wearing. It goes at a faster clip." And because of the competition among men, "it tends to be a little wittier."

In relationship-driven jobs like Ms. Butkus', where deals are commonly brokered on the golf course or over a drink, a good golf swing and a high tolerance for alcohol can be crucial. In professions like sales, lobbying and the law, women who want to move up have to do what it takes to fit in, experts say.

In professions that are less dependent on social networking and more reliant on technical skill (think computer programmer or entry-level accounting), excelling at the task at hand is far more important.

Deciding how far to go to fit in "depends a lot on the work environment and where the women are in the organization," says Nancy Newton, a Chicago-based clinical psychologist who specializes in organizational consulting.

At the highest levels of male-dominated industries, men tend to set the terms. And because like women, men like to work with people they feel comfortable with, they tend to associate with those they feel they can trust, she says.

'THERE'S NO TRICK'

Women who succeed at earning that trust and breaking into the boy's network — young and old — often do so by taking on the activities and the personalities of men at the office. But it's easier than it sounds.

Women are often adept at combining stereotypical male behavior — quick decisionmaking, assertiveness and one-upmanship — with stereotypical female behavior — being collaborative and collegial, psychologists say. The combination is critical.

Mary Dempsey, 53, the commissioner of the Chicago Public Library, has a reputation for working well with men. Tapped by Mayor Daley to serve as the interim chief of the city's troubled procurement department, she also serves on DePaul University's board of trustees. She credits her ability to join in the camaraderie of male-dominated settings to being prepared, diplomatic and direct.

"There's no trick," she says, pointing out that successful men and women often combine stereotypical male and female traits. "I've seen a lot of men who are skillful at consensus building."

In some work settings, "it's almost like the icing needs to be feminine and the cake has to be masculine," says Jennifer Thompson, director of the business psychology program at the Chicago School of Professional Psychology.

One without the other can hinder a woman's career. Research shows a woman who adopts too many male traits makes men uncomfortable, Ms. Thompson says. Not showing enough competitive drive can put a woman at a disadvantage, too. The more gifted a woman is at the skill required for the job, the more latitude she has in choosing which behavior to follow.

TALKING BASEBALL

As a litigator, Adria Mossing, 44, has spent her career working almost exclusively with men. A plaintiff's lawyer at Chicago-based Cogan & McNabola P. C., Ms. Mossing says she tends to be more direct with her male colleagues. "It sounds strange to say, but you are almost trying to make people forget you're a woman," she says. "You have to be very assertive."

There's also no talk of shoes or clothing or the contents of People magazine. Bring up those topics and a glaze comes over their faces, she says. Although she doesn't play golf, she does talk baseball with her male colleagues, mostly using information gleaned from conversations with her 13-year-old son.

But she hasn't abandoned her characteristically female traits completely. Ms. Mossing is often the one support staff turn to with problems, and she's quick to sympathize.

"Women tend to be more connected to the staff," she says. "That's why they're more willing to share things with me that they wouldn't share with the guys."

©2006 by Crain Communications Inc.